It was 31st December 2019, I was making a planner or to-do list for the upcoming year. Not even in my wildest dreams I had the clue about what awaits me.
As 2020 started with a great enthusiasm I daydreamt about how this year will be life changing for me.
I started creating artworks seriously, with great passion. Many obstacles were to come but I knew it’d be a fun adventure learning new things, as I knew nobody is born with it ; practice and patience is what makes you master of any domain! I was equally energetic and determined about my academic career; to secure my best marks . But after two months, the picture started changing slowly.
At first, I slowly became aware that some kind of flu broke out and we needed to wear masks. Then my exams got postponed and after a few weeks they got cancelled. I couldn’t get a grasp on the reality. What was going on? I’d never faced such a situation before. “Is it something similar to the Black death? Am I living an historical event? ” I asked myself in wonder. It was weird but at the same time exiting for me. Then before realizing I was locked at home. Not only me, the whole world was now in self quarantine. At first it was easy, I was making art daily and cooking new recipes. I never knew before junk food like pizza, burger were so easy to cook at home, and of course delicious enough to sort your carvings. But after a few weeks, it was unbearable, I hadn’t seen my friends for so long, I could see all my dreams coming to an end, I could see myself trapped in this never ending lockdown cycle. None of my dreams found out a way to come true, my dreams now questioned me, are they ever going to become reality? Will time ever move? Will this situation ever end?
I, till date, can’t see a way out. I can’t meet new people, or can’t go out for movies or lunch. Academic session began online but there’s no surety of the end. Here we need to thank our technology, thanks to smart gadgets we made our way out of loneliness. Otherwise paranoia would’ve drowned me.
But living with this uncertainty, not knowing if exams are even gonna take place, can we ever get out freely? Will things ever go back to normal , makes me feel like I’m chasing a mirage! When I think I’m almost there, it’ll come to an end soon, it just extends. Feels like I’m never gonna make it. My motivation is totally destroyed, and every move feels like throwing stones into the darkness.
-Adrija Dasgupta. Date: June16,2020
Addie 