What is gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person or a group (manipulator) make the other person or group(victim) question their reality, memories and doubt their sanity

Why the term ‘gaslighting‘?

The term gaslighting comes from the 1938 British stage play “gaslight” by Patrick Hamilton which was later produced as a film with the same title in 1944
In the play, a woman is doubtful about her husband’s loyalty and becomes anxious as her husband leaves every night, his departure is marked by gaslights in their house dimming. When comes to know about this her husband tries to confront her that she’s making things up and it’s all in her head. But the gaslights, however, are strong evidence for her to realise that she’s not lying or insane.

What do gaslighters do to you?

• They withhold important information from you

• They counter the information to fit their perspective

• They often verbally abuse you or show passive-aggressive behaviour

• They try to minimise your self worth

• They hide things from you and play with your memory.
( For example, If you tell your abuser/manipulator that he’d been out last night and didn’t come until dawn, he might say that he was at home and you’re the one who slept the whole time and might have had a dream)

• They might try to cut you off from your friends and family and isolate you (so they can manipulate your memory and feed you their own stories )

• They’ll often tell you phrases like “It’s all in your head” or “you’re going insane”

Gaslighting often comes hand in hand with other dark manipulative traits such as narcissism

Are gaslighters always male partners?

According to philosophy professor Kate Abramson, the act of gaslighting is not always sexist but women tend to be frequent targets of gaslighting compared to men who often engage in gaslighting. And a gaslighter doesn’t need to be a romantic partner, they also can be your parent or someone in your family.

Examples of gaslighting in pop culture

The most famous example of gaslighting in pop culture is Mother Gothel from Rapunzel. We all know how Gothel isolated Rapunzel from the outer world and brainwashed her against the outside world, and when she was finally ready to leave the mother acted like she’s being ungrateful for the food and shelter she was provided.

Another victim of gaslighting in movies is Rachel from the 2016 mystery and psychological thriller film ‘The girl on the train’. During her marriage, Rachel’s ex-husband Tom was a violent abuser. When Rachel would blackout drunk he’d tell her that she had done terrible things that she’s incapable of remembering.

Gaslighting in media and politics

A gaslighter we all know? Hmm…You guessed it right! The former US President Donald Trump. According to CNN Trump first takes Coronavirus lightly then later he states “I’ve always known Corona Virus is a pandemic long before it was a pandemic “
He even said it’s a hoax and it’ll be over in April when it gets warmer.

So gaslighting can be pretty subtle and common, and gaslighters often put up a “good person” persona. So here are a few common phrases used by gaslighters –
°It’s all in your head
°You’re being overdramatic
°That never happened
°You’re too sensitive
°You’re imagining things
°You have a poor memory
°You can’t tolerate a joke

It’s not necessarily that if someone is using these phrases they’re gaslighting you, but if you are second-guessing yourself or relating to anything mentioned above its time to sit back and rethink!